Full Screen
1 comment (closed), posted on december 29, 2002, tags: entertainment
First, you need two ingredients. One, several amazing short films centering around a driver (Clive Owens) and a car (BMW). Two, a channel from the DirecTV satellite lineup.
Then you combine these ingredients using the channel to play these designed-for-Internet-viewing BMW short films back-to-back so that people with a nice, large television and a great digital sound-system can watch them at their finest. Serve and enjoy.
Rotten Eggs
3 comments (closed), posted on december 28, 2002, tags: random
Last night, at the infamous Broadway Diner in the infamous Summit, New Jersey, I ordered three scrambled eggs, "home fries" (also called hash browns when not in a diner), a side of bacon and a coffee. After heavily creaming and sugaring my bitter coffee and eating a few pieces of bacon, I took to eating my browns and eggs.
The potatoes were fine, a bit undercooked in some places, but livable. The eggs, however, were another story. They tasted of orange cleaner, then of just cleaner cleaner. I called our barely-speaking-English waiter over and told him the eggs were inedible.
He told me they were, in fact, perfectly fine: "I see him make them. They good." Well, I exclaimed, whatever you say, but I'm not eating them. After a few minutes of arguing, he finally said, "Okay, you want more? I replace them." I was hesitant but accepted.
Two minutes later I was brought a new plate with new eggs and more undercooked home fries. I cut a small piece of egg with the side of my fork and placed it into my mouth. Immediately I tasted oysters. After a tough swallow I told Katia to try them, but before she could she smelled them and refused. I again asked our waiter to come over.
This time he was noticeably annoyed that I did not enjoy the Broadway Diner's rotten eggs. He argued openly, telling me they were, "Just eggs!" and "I not lie to you... I tell the truth. The tuna, maybe that I say is no good. But eggs are fresh." Disgusted, I told him he could say whatever he wanted, and I would pay for the shitty eggs, but I wasn't eating the fuckers. He gave up the argument and walked away.
He did not get a tip.
Ho Ho Ho
3 comments (closed), posted on december 24, 2002, tags: random
I hope everyone has a merry Christmas and a happy new year. Or a cheery Chanukah or a krazy Kwanza or whatever the hell holiday you celebrate.
CurrentlyHearing 2.0
11 comments (closed), posted on december 21, 2002, tags: plugin
The new version of CurrentlyHearing, 2.0, is released. This update includes the ability to display a history, the next track and the track number. Please head over to the CH Plugin page and download either the upgrade or full package.
Please note there are also all new example files for PHP, ASP and Perl. You must download these separately. The new example files are written to support the new features of this release.
I would like to hear your feedback! Please post a comment to this entry or post in the CH forum or email me. Have fun!
Gay, Kaufman, Old Navy Taxi
8 comments (closed), posted on december 18, 2002, tags: entertainment
Just before viewing Adaptation: Guy sitting to the right of me, talking to his female friend. Conversation ranges from his "art" to her intense enjoyment of Björk's vidoes, some of which "can't be seen on television, but are just brilliant." Moments later, Guy says that a friend of his is having a bit of trouble with his husband. You see, they only support same-sex marriages in Vermont and Hawaii, and, well, "Brian and Tom have residence in New York and Connecticut, but not in Vermont." So, you see, ironicly they're currently fighting the system here in New York. They want the courts here to recognize same-sex marriages. But not because they want to be viewed as a regular married couple, but because they don't. "They're fighting the system to have the state recognize their gay divorce."
Adaptation: Being John Malkovich was an excellent film. For the first 45 minutes. Then it went downhill. Adaptation was exactly the opposite: excellent until the last 45 minutes. That aside, the film was unique and funny, interesting and depressing all at the same time. The idea of writing a screenplay about yourself writing a screenplay was done quite well. The ironic issue of this film, though, is Kaufman's insistance (in the film) that he doesn't want to make a "Hollywood" movie. It's unfortunate that this is exactly what Adaptation becomes in the last 45 minutes. It was going so well, and then, well, it missed a step and couldn't recover. Then again, perhaps this is exactly what Kaufman wanted. I have to give kudos to Susan Orlean, however, for allowing herself to be portrayed the way she was in this film, because it isn't flattering at all and actually quite horrible at times. Worth seeing, but not if you have to travel.
After viewing Adaptation, in NYC Taxi number 1N56: Sometimes advertising executives come up with a new idea, one that is sure to make people like you and me curious as to what they were drinking at the meeting. Katia and I hopped into the backseat of the cab, only to find it covered in red fleece. In the center of the red seat, on the back, was a large patch sewn into place exclaiming, "Old Navy Performace Fleece!" The cab driver, in response to why his seat isn't covered: "I dunno... apparently they felt I didn't need it." That makes sense... someone who sits on their ass all day really doesn't need the soft touch of fleece down there. In fact, they shouldn't really even give him a cushion at all.
Nemesis [Of Good Movies]
2 comments (closed), posted on december 17, 2002, tags: entertainment
Star Trek: Nemesis was not a good ending to the Next Generation series. In fact, the more I think about it, the more angry I get.
First of all, I can't escape the fact that the final episode of the television series was fucking fantastic. How do you end a film series based on a television series that was ended more than properly. The scale is larger, so then in production meetings you have to imagine people are sitting and thinking to themselves, "Jesus, what do we do now?" And, I think, the answer to that is to try to make it more "film-like." More money, more effects. But in this case, that wasn't the answer. Not by a long shot.
There were good points, and quite a few. But there were also quite a few bad points. Unfortunately, when we're talking about a movie, you can't say to yourself, "Well, it was half good," and accept that. Especially not for a "final journey." Nemesis failed to encapsulate the series and failed the cast with its dry vision.
Recent Developments
2 comments (closed), posted on december 17, 2002, tags: plugin
Alright, so after spending much time and effort on CurrentlyHearing over the past two weekends I've finalized the new features, but have been unable to add the GET functionality that I really wanted. Hopefully this is something I can add in the next build, and hopefully that won't be too long off. But, in the meantime, I will be releasing version 2.0 of CH this Friday night, so check back.
In other news, two friends' sites have seen redesign in past weeks, and both deserve your viewing. So, when you get a chance, check out MorrisonFilm and Something Normal. Cram some comments into each as well.
And, just in case you're privy to my cell phone number: If you haven't heard, my number has changed. To figure out my new number, simply do the following math (using my old number's digits as A through J): A, B-6, C+4, D+3, E-8, F-6, G-1, H-7, I+4, J+3. If you're anything like me, though, this will be hard to do. Apparently in the past few years my ability to do math has gone down the crapper.
It Was a Good Book
posted on december 17, 2002, tags: me
And with that, my novel-writing career ends before it begins:
From: - - - - -
To: garrett@maniacalrage.net
Date: Tue, 17 Dec 2002 13:17:43 -0500
Subject: Your Submission to Joelle Delbourgo AssociatesDear Mr. Murray:
Thank you very much for letting us consider Life with My Hands Down My Pants. I agree, this was a valiant effort to give a sympathetic voice to a chronic masturbator. Unfortunately, after careful consideration we have decided that your project is not right for our highly selective list. We do urge you to submit this elsewhere and wish you the best in securing representation.
Sincerely,
- - - - -
Editorial Assistant
Joelle Delbourgo Associates
Maybe some day I'll get published, but for now another manuscript goes into the rejected pile.
Cheez-Its® Not Actually All That Complicated
6 comments (closed), posted on december 10, 2002, tags: random
I enjoy Sunshine brand BIG Cheez-Its. They're good. It's like eating at least two or three regular Cheez-Its for each BIG Cheez-It. I'm not too good at math, but I know a good deal when I eat one. One thing that does bother me, however, is the packaging. On the left side of the box, there's a "diagram" of a BIG Cheez-It, with some clever features listed. For instance, the hole in the center is described as "Air Intake: Improves aerodynamics during periods of rapid Cheez-It® consumption." I like that. What I don't like, though, is the last sentence on the side of the box that assumes I'm a stupid fucking mental patient. Click the picture to your right to see what I mean.
CH Users Rejoice!
3 comments (closed), posted on december 8, 2002, tags: plugin
UPDATE: I'm gonna put this release on hold for a few more days, as I've just decided to put the GET functionality in, but have had a few problems. Unfortunately, I'll be unable to work on my PC during the week (since I will be in Brooklyn), so I can't finish it until next Thursday. Bear with me, it will be worth it.
I've finished a new version of CurrentlyHearing and it will be released tomorrow. The new version adds the following features:
History: Choose display of last 3, 5 or 10 tracks played (or none).
Track Number: Ability to display track number out of total in playlist.
Next: Display next track to be played (if shuffle is off).
Fixed some code and cleaned up a bit.
The new version features more of the stuff you've been requesting, and should make some of you happy. After this version, I plan to tackle the ability to use GET posting rather than FTPing the file up. Check back tomorrow for more info.
Curly Quotes
8 comments (closed), posted on december 7, 2002, tags: site
Shawn managed to get me interested in changing all quotes in the content on this site to the proper curly quotes rather than plain quotes ("), as well as single quotes. It didn't take too long to find a function already written by Matthew Mullenweg. This function worked well for PHP, and with some simple tweaks, I created a function that will do exactly what both Shawn and I wanted. If you're using PHP, feel free to use the function below (note that due to content spacing here, lines wrap... but if you copy and paste this code, it will be formatted correctly as far as spacing is concerned):
function prettyUp($ugly) {
// Credit due to Matthew Mullenweg (www.photomatt.net)
// First do ampersands, as the following regexes will need real ones
$ugly = str_replace('&',"&",$ugly);
// Now make single quotes pretty
$ugly = preg_replace("/'([dmst])([ .,?!)\/<])/i","’$1$2",$ugly);
$ugly = preg_replace("/'([lrv])([el])([ .,?!)\/<])/i","’$1$2$3",$ugly);
$ugly = preg_replace("/([^=])'([^ >].*)'/U","$1‘$2’",$ugly);
// Double quotes now
$ugly = preg_replace('/([^=])"([^ >].*)"/U',"$1“$2”",$ugly);
// If the quotes span Ps, make them pretty too
$ugly = preg_replace('/<p>"(.*)<\/p>/U',"<p>“$1</p>",$ugly);
// True EM dashes
$ugly = str_replace('--',"—",$ugly);
// All done
return $ugly;
}
To use this, simply run the function on your content just before using it, as such:
// Assuming your content is in the $content variable
$content = prettyUp($content);
// Then you can echo or print to your heart's content
echo $content;
If you're a Movable Type user, as I am, you should check out John Gruber's excellent plugin for MT, called SmartyPants. It works perfectly. Rage is using a combination of both and is now a little bit prettier.
Next Stop, Balancelessville
6 comments (closed), posted on december 3, 2002, tags: work
Each morning I take the L train from the Bedford Avenue stop in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, to the 14th Street Union Square stop in Manhattan. The trip is fast—from Katia's door to my desk is about 20 minutes—but far from fun.
Because Bedford Avenue is the first stop in Brooklyn on the L train, and because Williamsburg (especially near this subway stop) is an area populated largely by "faux-hipster-artist-wannabes"—on their way to work in all those little record stores and cafes and independent publishing concerns—every car on every train at seemingly every moment of every morning is packed.
And we're not talking about a few too many people. We're talking about those stereotypical scenes you see in New York based films or television shows where people have their faces smashed up against the glass and there's barely enough room to breathe. It's unbearable, and worse, it's normal.
To make all of this worse is a problem not unique to the L train: a rough ride. All subways tend to be rather rough in-transit. They bounce up and down, shake, vibrate, speed up and slow down violently, usually causing everyone on the train to nearly fall over.
I think the reason for this is the inherent difference between controlling a subway and controlling all other forms of mass-transportation: the conductor doesn't experience the ride the same way a majority of the passengers do. On a plane, on a bus or in a car, the controller and passengers are usually both sitting. But on a subway, the conductor sits in a cushioned seat while most of the passengers stand.
I've watched through open conductor-cab doors as conductors braked extremely hard, perfectly comfortable in their seat. Meanwhile, passengers topple in the aisels. I think if they made conductors stand, rides would be significantly smoother.
Also, on the subject: the new subway trains put into circulation recently are great. They offer a much better appearance, stop charts that light up and are easier to follow, as well as light-signs that tell you the current time, which stop is next and more. They've also got a nice female voice narrating your ride and telling you the names of each stop. The annoying feature, though, is the recorded male voice that says, "Stand clear of the closing doors, please." Actually, it's not that specific recording that annoys me... it's the recording that plays each and every time someone walks between cars while the train is moving: "Passengers, for your safety please do ride or walk between cars while the train is in motion." Sometimes you'll hear it 15 times in a single ride.
I Need a Garbage Can
3 comments (closed), posted on december 1, 2002, tags: me
The picture to your right was taken tonight as I finished up this version of Rage. It's a small glimpse into the highly messy working conditions I am ever so fond of. Click the thumbnail for a bigger version, which should allow you to find: at least 4 packs of cigarettes (most empty), a forearm brace, two mice on one pad, a package of chocolate-covered pretzels, a Russian dictionary and more. Disgusting!
Right, Okay
6 comments (closed), posted on december 1, 2002, tags: site
Rage turns two today.
I got tired of the old design, and of almost all of the old content, so I trashed it. Rage is now simple and fast, and about 80% lighter than yesterday. I got rid of the first 150 entries, as they were useless and terrible, and I'm starting fresh.
The new "design" is done completely in CSS (no tables), so of course there are little problems here and there. For instance, if there's only one or two entries on a page, you might notice the sidebar hanging off the bottom. I know about this problem, and I'm hoping to find a fix soon.
Also, this layout was designed with only two browsers in mind: Internet Explorer 6 (PC) and Chimera (OSX). Respectively, each is the best browser for it's operating system, and therefore I say fuck-all to the rest of them (although anyone using Mozilla 5+ will see it just fine too). Get one of these two browsers. They are both free. I don't want to hear complaints. Oh, and Mac users—if you're using IE5 and visiting, this site won't be all that pretty. Don't use IE5.
So, then... that's that. Content is down to almost nothing, design is overly simple, and I will no longer be using my own CMS for this site. It's now powered by Movable Type. It's a great system, and makes my life easier. Also, due to that, I will no longer be using the forums for entry comments. Simply click the "Comments" link after each entry. Simple. The forums will stick around for a while just for random chit-chat.