In Other News...

posted on april 22, 2003, tag: random

VIRGINIA — The kid everyone knew would succeed in life is doing just that—succeeding. Again. Gregory "Greg" Robert Smith is a 13 year-old [super] genius. Attributed with "solving math problems at 14 months" and "reading and correcting adults' grammar by 2," Smith is preparing to graduate—cum laude no less—from college this May.

"Frankly, we're getting a bit tired of it," says Janet Smith, Greg's mother since he was born. "At first it was neat, you know, having a super-genius son. People would come over and marvel at his ability to solve really complicated math problems." Remember, he's been solving math problems since 14 months. "But now," Janet continues, "it's getting old. He's outdoing himself so constantly... it's getting boring to watch."

Greg says his eventual goal is to become President of the United States. "I think it would be a great opportunity to rule the country," he says. "I'm smart enough to rule the world, but I think that's a good start." When asked what Gregory plans to do after his presidency, he says, "Kill everyone on the planet and start a new race of super-beings like me. And make a flavor of Jello that has the taste of all the other flavors in one."

Naturally, Smith has no real friends. "He's god-awful to be around," says Hanna Runkle, one of Smith's college classmates. "Constantly talking about Jello. And he's not nearly as attractive as one would imagine a 13 year-old super-genius to be." Runkle refused to divulge the details of their friendship, except to say, "I fucked him and it wasn't anything special."

Smith also spends a great deal of time working for charities such as the Christian Children's Fund and is the founder of International Youth Advocates, which champions nonviolence and human rights. Aside from that, he does things normal 13 year-olds do, like burning ants with magnifying glasses and creating new versions of synthesized alkaloids.

No one knows what the future holds for Smith, but most people imagine it will be filled with money, scientific awards, and lonely nights. "Bill Gates' wife is attractive," says Smith, "and he's not even all that smart. I figure with my brain power I should be able to get a really steaming babe, or at least trick someone into blowing me."

Greg will receive his bachelor's degree in mathematics May 31 from Randolph-Macon College.

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