UnReality

posted on april 15, 2003, tag: entertainment

Somehow I seem to continuously get trapped into watching Fox 'reality' shows. Luckily, this year I am not watching American Idol, but its place seems to be jam-packed with other crap. Most recently was Married By America. It ended last night with an absolutely useless finale. Not a single person got married.

I understand this is a Fox show, and shit is supposed to go wrong, but they could have named the show correctly from the beginning. Something like, Nearly Fake Married By Rupert Murdock or Fucking, Fighting, Awkwardness and More, Or: Tuesday Night 9PM Timeslot Filler #472. Granted, I knew what I was getting into. I knew the show would be ridiculous. I knew it. And yet I still fucking watched it. Why? What the fuck? Have I become unable to control my watching habits? Or is it the possibility of seeing a blurred out nipple and white trash arguing about shake-and-bake chicken that keeps me coming back for more?

Either way—Billie Jeanne: that fucking douche-bag friend of yours with the bandana freaks me out. Tony: Dude, you never fucking liked her. Ever. I understand. She's a moron. But why didn't you have sex with that hooker rather than just kissing her in the bathroom? When Fox pays for you to go to Las Vegas, pal, you fuck everyone you can. Jill: Kevin is a Jesus super-freak. You were in Playboy. That shit wasn't gonna work. You're too boobalicious*. Kevin: Forget Jesus, man, she's boobalicious!

* Please note that the use of 'boobalicious' here is not to be taken as a good thing. The woman had huge fake breasts. It was not good. I've been told this word makes me sound like a 12-year-old. Fair enough.

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