I Must Say
posted on july 15, 2003, tag: random
I must say that Diet Coke is something only illegitimate children, menopausal women and gynecologists drink. In fact, I'm willing to widen that spectrum to include people on the Atkins diet, but even they would probably just drink regular Coke (or pig's blood—whatever, so long as it doesn't have carbs). I love listening to people order a bacon-cheeseburger and a Diet Coke. "I would like eight pounds of fat shoveled into my throat, and then please bring me a Diet Coke—I have got to watch my weight." Also, Diet Coke tastes closer to raw chemicals than Coca-Cola Classic, which is already too close. I feel like some sort of synthesis is happening in my mouth every time I taste Diet Coke, and since I'm not a scientist—that's not good.
I must say that I would be a happier man if only attractive people wore revealing clothing. But as it seems, only Diet Coke drinkers feel the urge to cram their buttocks into a thong, pull the band up over their hips and then put on a pair of whitewashed, low-rise jeans. I especially love the way this looks when combined with that effect really large asses have of almost eating themselves (you know what I mean—the closer to the crack the cheeks get, the more they squeeze in, but they're all flabby on the outside). Also, it seems the style for 20-something women now is to grow a large beer-belly before wearing a revealing shirt. Yummy.
I must say that with all the beauty in the world, I cannot help but get angry. I mean, I don't know if you've ever seen a flower or a cute little birdie, but those things have a tendency to really piss me off. It's the little things that really put me in a foul mood... like morning dew or a pleasant "Hello" from a coworker. I know these things make other people happy, but I can't stand the sight of morning dew. Makes me feel rotten. My guts hurt. I just can't take it sometimes.
I must say that if the L train keeps taking forever to get there in the morning, I'm gonna fucking lose it. It's bad enough that I have to stand on the platform with all the confused, new-to-New-York, fat people, but now I have to wait for a late train? I hate it! How many more times do I have to complain about this before it stops? I guess a lot.
I must say that having a camera is great, unless you just take a bunch of pictures and never show them to anyone. This is what creepy 40 year-old men do in movies like One Hour Photo. If you're going to paste all the pictures to your bedroom wall, at least have the decency to show everyone a picture of that.
I must say that hurricanes are a serious problem.
I must say that this feels good. And bad. Depending.
[All due respect to [Shawn](http://morrisonfilm.com "MorrisonFilm") and his entry.]
Comments
There are 5 comments, comments are closed
Steve on 07/15/2003:
Yes, I've noticed the diet drink trend as well. Seems like too many people think that since they are drinking 0 calories at the moment, they must be skinny. The shit tastes like ass, and I would rather drink water than diet anything.
One thing you bring up, which I find amusing is people's conception of "diet". I'm merely writing this because if someone going on any kind of weight-loss program should know: you shouldn't drink diet soda that contains aspertame (which is 99% of the makers). Aspertame, which is branded also as Equal, NutraSweet, and Sweet n' Low, actually slows down the weight-loss process. So if you think you're helping your body by going diet, you are probably wrong (unless you just don't care).
Garrett on 07/15/2003:
I feel as though you've missed the point of this entry, and I understand why. Since I didn't post a link to Shawn's entry (which is the exact format of this, only serious) until the end of my entry, I might understand how someone would take this seriously and respond like, well, you.
It was all a joke. It was funny if you were me or if I told you to read Shawn's entry first. Maybe it was funny to Shawn, I dunno.
Anyway, regarding your comment—Who cares? It's Diet Soda. Don't get all Atkinsy on me here (although I'm sure your point is valid).
Shawn on 07/15/2003:
I enjoyed your parody. Though that joke about diet soda and big macs is a tad 1992. What are you gonna do though, you know? Made me smile.
Jim on 07/17/2003:
Speaking as a the founder of the fat power movement, I resent you're remarks. You assume that ALL fat people are dumb enough to wear revealing clothes, but MOST of us wear baggy shirts and sweaters in July in an attempt to appear less fat. I embrace my fatness, but as I want people to enjoy their day, I don't show it off. And what the hell is the guy in the first comment talking about? Nobody gives a crap that you've apparently memorized the Encyclopedia entry on Aspertame. Please, keep all random useless knowledge to yourself. FAT POWER
Natalie on 08/31/2003:
Personally, your entry made me smile, and I didn't see the need to go and shout random things about diet soda. They may be 1992-stylee jokes but god, I've never heard them. In all honesty, I've never actually thought about it in that sense, and as I type this I'm drinking "diet lemonade". I think the reason some folk drink diet is because if you look on some bottles it says there is less sugar in it, and when you have a cold and devouring 1 litre of warm lemonade a day, any sort of cut back on sugar seems a definate bonus.
Hmmm... but from this entry, it seems blatantly obvious you've never had issues with your weight. I may be wrong, but I've always stuck by the idea that a fat person will never be thin inside, and a thin person will never truley understand the mind of a fat person. I doubt someone with an obvious weight problem could find it within themselves to morally joke about such things. Even though, they may find such comments amusing.
Thanks anyway though, made me chuckle to myself.