Two Years Ago

posted on september 11, 2003, tag: new york

I was supposed to write an entry about September 11 today. Last year I took my site down for the day, and put up a picture I took of the towers just a few days before they collapsed. At the beginning of this week, I started thinking about whether or not I would do the same thing this year, what I would write if I didn't, or if I should just not do anything today.

I still remember September 11, 2001 very clearly. I have vivid images, sounds and emotions from that day permanently etched into my brain. I still remember what I was like to walk through that courtyard every day for months on my way to work. I know what it's like to walk by the empty space every day now.

September 11 still bothers me frequently. Not in the general sense, that it happened, or why or what specifically, but in the sense that it placed a fear, small but substantial, inside my head. Every now and then, when I hear a loud plane when at work, I get a flash of fear. When the blackout started, and our office went dark, I was instantly frightened. I'd like to think I'm the kind of person who doesn't let their emotions or fears inhibit the way they live, but September 11 definitely gave me a serious fear that has yet to go away, even though I find it frustrating and, at times, embarassing.

Obviously I will never forget that day. I don't think anyone will. Will it happen again in the future? I don't know. I never thought it would happen in the first place. I don't want to talk about the politics of the situation. I don't want to talk about whose fault it was, what we've done about it, or any of that today. I just want to quietly remember what it looked like before those towers collapsed, and try not to think about what it looked like from across the street when they were burning.

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